Lost with no direction

I vomited at school this morning today.sighh.and then I realised I did not eat much things for few days.I think I did not eat anything for two days though.i broke my record weyyy!haha.i should be happy for it.kidding kidding kidding.ahahaa.i didn't know what happened to my stomach.feeling so uncomfortable the whole day.sad sad sad.but i still can tahan larh.not that lousy.i was planning to stayback today for pingpong meeting and accompany kah yin to greentown mall but i couldn't go): then my class teacher came in and she told us about our position in class.i've never thought i got 2nd last in my class.can anyone imagine it?2ND LAST WEYYY!!no kidding.haih.i was so dissapointed.and what if my parents found out i got such results?will they bury me alive?what should i do larh?i wanted to study but i was so lazy.can I really do well in my SPM?*wondering* what if i cant?i don't even dare to think of it.the struggles i'm facing sometimes might knock me down.but what I can do is just keep going.keep pushing on=[ after school, i chat with my godsister.she is my ex's cousin.she suddenly told me my ex was with a girl that smoke.that moment,i remembered about something.didn't want to mention in details.but i can tell you guys.i felt so angry but i couldn't do anything.i wanna scold her but I can't.i hate her so much.nevermind.i don't want to talk about it anymore.ruined my mood=( today when i got home,there's something that makes me felt happy.kah yin texted me and ask me how am I.haha.i was really so damn happy cause I never thought she would text me.haha.thanks kah yin.i appreciate it alotsa!

Rainbows

MY CUTE LITTLE SIS,HAPPY BIRTHDAY!lastnight,i've been thinking so long.i don't know should i take the first step to talk with her.but if i don't do so,i might lose her forever.i don't want things to be like this.so I wished her lastnight.i waited till exactly 12am and i sent her a msg.haha.i know i'm a coward.i should have wish her with my mouth.but i'm afraid.maybe she doesn't even bother about it.lol.and and she began to talk to me this morning.i'm glad i've settled a problem of mine.i know i still got many things that need to be settle down but i'll slowly do it.bit by bit.i fell down today ehh.gosh!immediately i got blueblacks in my ankle and elbow.arghhhh.when only these blueblacks will leave me larhhh duh?i hate all of them.anyway,back to my story.i went to parade today with HIM and jamie.we went to k-box.we sang and we laughed.haha.after so many days,TODAY is the happiest day.HE really take away all my sorrows.HE got this kind of power in HIM that i think HE don't even realised it.hahaha.swept away all my pains.i'm so sorry.i know i've hurted you when i doubt about what you said.i promise you it will never happened again okay?




FOR YOU:
You melt my heart with your eyes,
You warm my soul with your voice,
You break my insecurities with your touch,
I get the best feeling in the world,
when you say hi or even smile at me,
because I know,
even if its just for a second,
that i've crossed your mind.

Let things get right itself

今天一早下了一场大雨……
我觉得好空虚……
总觉得有些东西不见了……
我不知道是什么……
我只知道我心里在哭泣……
我想了很多东西……
我看到我妹的背影……
不知该不该跟他说话……
看着她的背影让我觉得已经不是我所认识的妹了……
其实我已经没在气她了……
但我不知该如何跟她沟通……
我也不知道她在想些什么……
心里在想她觉得到底是谁的错……
有时候我觉得她根本就不在乎我的感受也不在乎我……
明天就是她生日了……
我该祝她生日快乐吗？？？
我该镇么表达呢？？？
我很希望她有一个很快乐的生日……
但却发生了这些事……
我该如何面对她呢？？？


我还记得那天我的好朋友答应了会call我……
是关于我跟她所发生的事……
我表现的我一点都不在乎……
结果她真的没call我……
我有些失望……
可能我真的很在乎这个很要好的朋友……
但又能镇么样……
我跟她已经不能再跟以前一样了……
所有的东西都变了……
我很想哭却哭不出来……
昨天我听到一首歌叫作“最好的朋友”……
听到这首歌让我想起她也想哭……
但是我真的不想再为她而哭……
因为已经不值得了……

Please don't let anything wipe away my smile

Another sad day i got): sighhh.i really don't know why god planned all this for me.to make me a stronger girl?or is it my fate and i have to follow everything?i'm useless in everything.STUDIES,FRIENDSHIPS AND AND AND FAMILY=( i feel so much to hide myself.i don't want to see people.i want to run away from my house and to a place where no one knows me.i might as well feel much better about it.no one knows how hurt am I right now.nonono.GOD KNOWS!sometimes i felt god is playing with me.if that day I did not wake up in the middle of the night, I wouldn't know the truth.and I rather I did not know anything than to know EVERYTHING!all I got now is disappointments and hurts. I didn't want to cry anymore.I don't want.but it is so hard to hold my tears.I reallly hope I can hug SOMEONE!cause i felt COLD eversince that day.THAT TUESDAY...................

Am I really that useless?

I felt so sad today ehhh.sighhh.my friends are having problem and yet I can't do anything for them.Not even a word that can comfort them.haih.I'M TRYING!CAN'T YOU SEE IT?!!!arghhhh.can anyone tell me what should I do?They don't know when they're suffering,PEOPLE around them is suffering the same pain too.JAMIE,IRENE.i wanted to tell both of you that i love you girls so much that I want to take away all the pains you girls suffering.how i wish i can?I wants to see IRENE'S SMILE,JAMIE'S SMILE AGAIN!i can't be happy with what i have now if u girls are not happy.do you girls understand?): i hope all these pains will leave soon.IRENE'S experience makes me think of my past.i understand well how she felt cause she's walking the same road as i did last time.and x3 i didn't know what to say to makes u feel better.i'm sorry to say that.i'm trying to be there for you.and i hope you can feel that i cared even if i did not say anything to makes you feel better.and for you,JAMIE.makes me feel more sad to talk about your things.i doesn't want you to think as if everything is meaningless to you.i seriously felt heartache when you said till there's no hope in your life.don't keep telling yourself you're tired and you can't hold on any longer.you're much more stronger than you thought okay?plssssss.try to tell yourself that you're strong and remember what I said.STICK TO YOUR PRINCIPLE!I LOVE YOU PEOPLE.

happy with him,sad with her

woohoo.i joined starwalk today with HIM.sooo happy neh(: wheeeewheeeee.i think this is the first year i walked with HIM alone.really so enjoyed lor.we keep talk and talk=) but i didn't make it to the end): i went back half way.sighh.my godfather came to fetch me,my sis and another bestfriend of mine.but but but i couldn't searched for my sis.I was super duper worried of her.can't even contact her.she did not picked up the phone and my godfather was so angry.I really very scared lor.first time he got so angry.I didn't know what to do.and then i left my sis ALONE at there.when i reached church,i was keep thinking how my sis going to church.and then i regretted.she only have twenty bucks with her.i should teman her to go to church and not leave her alone at stadium.haih.what a bad sis of me.and then i cried out.shhhhh!I don't even have the mood to worship.i was keep praying.hoping my sis would come to church.and x4 PRAISE THE LORD!god answered my prayer.she reached church after i praying not long ago.hahahahaha.imagine how powerful is he.when we pray,my godmother ask me to forgive my best x3 friend.at first i was thinking can i really forgive such person.sighhh.i felt so sad when she scolded me last night.i couldn't really sleep well after received her msg.i thought alot.I didn't know why things just wouldn't be right between both of us.i've always thought be truthful is good.but.....sighhh.i don't know should i just give up this best friend.i felt so hurt with everything she did.or is it my fault for never show her that i cared?my godmother came to me and asked me what happened yesterday night.i told her everything and she told me that she felt sorry about last night.when she told me so,at that moment i really think that she realised her mistakes but after that i realised my godmother was lying.she just hope we two would get along well.sighhh.i felt so disappointed seriously.nevermind.forget about the sad part,now I'll start my happy part. then, HE reached church at last.hahaa.i was keep waiting cause i really miss HIM alotsa.hehs.HE told me HE got something to give me.actually i was soooo curious about it.but i didn't ask.ah hah.IT WAS A HOT CHOCOLATE!HE knew i'm having gastric.so HE made one for me.yerrr.hou sweet ahhh him.melt me on-the-spot.haha.i drank finish on the spot too=]thanks SAYANG!it's so nice.so sweet.

special day

Today is HER birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY,SAMTOH!Really hope SHE'LL enjoy HER birthday with HER girl(: I'm glad my best friend,JAMIE feeling better today.She did made me worried so much since last night.wondering will she be okay.Thanks god=) everything is fine.she tried to be as strong as she can.and i've to thanks to HIM.HE'S always there for me without failed.HE'S going for the prom tonight.so scared neh.and worried): haha.will HE curang kat I?lol.maybe i just think too much larhh.ahahaa.i know HE won't.hope HE'LL enjoy tonight since i couldn't go prom with HIM.SORRY!

A happy or sad day?

I think is a bit late to blog what happened last Monday.It's indeed a good start of morning for everyone of us except the ending part): freaking sad.My best best friend was not so happy when she saw ME AND HIM were enjoying together.She thought I don't know what she's thinking.i knew=( except for the sad part,everything was just so nice and great.I loved it.I've never thought HE'S the one who accompany me for the whole day.HE'S there when I needed someone the most.I knew HE Felt sad too that day.But all HE cared was my feeling.that's what touched my heart the most.HE did not say anything to cheer me but I did not know why eventhough HE did not say a thing,I still felt so secure when HE'S around.it was like when HE'S around,those worries are not 'worries' to me anymore.haha.and HIS eyes were telling me all i wanted to hear.though HE did not say it out.thanks to HIM.if HE wasn't there,I don't know how am I gonna go through my day.I missed that day.that night:) HE'S the first guy and i hope HE'LL be the last one.i'm hoping it but will it come true.we'll see then=]

Welcome home

HE finally came back from penang.woahhh!yeahh.haha.i missed HIM so much.more than I expected.I doesn't need to wait HIS message like the days when he's in penang.lol.makan tak lalu.tidur tak nyenyak.haha.But i think HE missed his bed more than me): so sad.hahahaha.just kidding.I just can't wait to meet HIM tomorrow.hope it would be a good day for everyone of us(: wheeeeee=)

A sad night for me):

Yesterday i was planning to chat with HIM till late at night but then my godmother suddenly came to my room and asked me to sleep with her.oh oh!i wondering why.haha.so sad lorr.i couldn't chat much with HIM the whole day.I couldn't do anything as well.So I just took everything I needed including my blanket to her room.it was so funny!She wanna play a game with me.guess what game is it?it's exchanging secret game.LOL.i couldn't believe she would play such thing.haha.i did not play before.So i would like to have a try.true enough.we did exchange some secrets but sorry.I couldn't share anything about it.secret larhh.mana boleh cakap right?laughhs(: After that, we did have a serious talk.sighh.she told me I'm reversing.she mentioned about my relation with GOD and my worship with Him.She can see that i'm going backwards instead of improving myself.she asked what happened to me?and I couldn't answered): I was so sad.I know what's the problem with me and yet i don't know what should I do.I've done something that makes God feel sad.that draws me far from Him.sorry, FATHER!

Should I forgive or forget?

SHE,the one I once loved so much texted me yesterday.I should be happy for it because I missed her message.I didn't know why when I received her message, I get so angry about it.The way she tried to care for me.urghh!what's that for?If she care for me,why is she hurting me in the first place?She asked,'do we still remain as friends'?I should have replied yes.But then I said,'Do I still need a friend like you'?Very mean,right?Atcually I thought i could forgive her for what she did to me.But sighhh.I still couldn't.Everytime when I think about how she left and everything between us,I shed a tear=( I really want her to care for me but the more she cares,the more hope i'll put.She doesn't realized that I don't need her caring for me when she has gone with another girl.I didn't want to get hurt anymore.So I think the best way is to delete her from my life.NOT EVEN FRIEND!